I wish I could punch you in the face.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were trust falling into bushes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
