dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
