You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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