Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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