I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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