Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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