How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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