so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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