I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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