At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
