It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
