you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
