Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
