thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
