You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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