By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
