it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
