I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
