The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
