Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
