there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
