Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize