I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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