Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
