I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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