I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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