she peed on how many people?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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