Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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