I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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