I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
