you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
