Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
