My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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