why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
