She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
