I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
