Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
