"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
