Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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