The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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