Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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