Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
