I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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