living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
