im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
