Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
