fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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