Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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