Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
