So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
