worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
