I am in a vortex of obligation.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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