The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
