Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
