apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
