We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
