im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.