This dress was meant to end up on your floor
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.