just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.