we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.