i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?