just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
