Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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