i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
