When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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