hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
