Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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