it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
