so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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