what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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