I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
