Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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