i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
