watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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