dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
